How am I Supposed to Live Without You?

This is just a short piece I wrote at 2.15 AM this morning, based on two things:

1. Michael Bolton's "How am I supposed to live without you" (Hey, one could do a good S2 story based on that one... Has it already been done?)

2. The heartbreaking (for me, a fairly recent TS FANATIC) news that the 2nd season reruns aired late Monday nights on Swedish TV are put on hold until August (realize how far away that is in time?!?). I am so ANGRY! OK, I can catch 3rd season eppies on German television, but I don't really fancy the dubbing into German...) Also, I'm a bit sad about not finding any collections of episodes in the same video decoding system that Sweden uses (PAL? Secam? NTSC? I don't know)

As usual, the story’s not been beta’d.

Thanks: To DeMeo & Bilson for coming up with it all, as well as to certain writers of Senfic and my muse Joy "Mary Sue" Raines S. for the inspiration

You know the drill: "The characters in this story belong to... yadda yadda yadda." (Pet Fly/UPN). Also, the tune was written by Bolton & James, I guess that means they own the rights. Anyway... here I go. (It is pure JIM ANGST.)

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU?

***
I could hardly believe it
When I heard the news today
I had to come and get it straight from you
They said you were leavin'
---
From the look upon your face, I see
it's true
***

I can't believe this is happening. We were getting along so well. And then, suddenly, I hear it through the grapevine. As soon as you came home, I confronted you. You gave me this lost puppy dog glance, and simply said. "I have something I have to do, Jim. I'll be back in two months. You'll be fine." Then you picked up your packed bags and walked out.

***
Tell me how am I supposed to live
without you
Now that I've been lovin' you so long
How am I supposed to live without you
How am I supposed to carry on
When all that I've been living for is gone
***

I'm sorry, Chief, but you're wrong. I WON'T be fine. I have no idea how to get on with my life without you there. I sure can't go back to Major Crimes. What if I zone out on a crime scene? And I can't stay at the Loft, because you belong in here. Just like you belong in my heart. I simply can't go on living my life without you. You know that - I told you that if you died, I would probably have a 'hunting accident' not long afterwards. My heart would already be broken. It is being teared at right now.

***
I didn't come here for cryin'
Didn't come here to break down
It's just a dream of mine is coming to
an end
***

I, the ex-Covert Ops Army Ranger, never thought I would be able to show my feelings - or even feel at all - but you've changed that, Chief. You, the "neo-hippie witchdoctor punk" have changed ME, forever. Now, I am needed by and need someone - YOU, Chief. Not just with my senses ("Hey, Joe Friday, relax!", remember?), but as a partner, friend and companion. We had made so many plans for the future, Chief, and now all that is gone.

***
...how can I blame you
When I build my world around
The hope that one day we'd be so much
more than friends
***

I never meant for you to feel trapped, Chief. It's just that you helped me open up. Heck, you opened the padlock to my heart with a crowbar! So I tried as hard as I could to keep you. I guess it's like a rubber band - you can stretch it really far, but eventually it will snap. And it did. Now, the door to my heart just keeps banging, and banging, and banging...

***
Tell me how am I supposed to live
without you
Now that I've been lovin' you so long
How am I supposed to live without you
How am I supposed to carry on
When all that I've been living for is gone
***

I can't live without you, Chief. Please, come back! No, I can't do this any longer... Where's my gun? There... I'm sorry. I love you, Blair. Blair?! You're back?! The gun? Oh... Well... I was.. uh... cleaning it. So, why are you back? Really, Sandburg? I need you too, Chief! Yes, that too.

THE END

Comments? I *do* know that Jim would probably endure two months without Blair, but he might have had a very bad day with multiple zone outs... My muse never revealed that much... /C.